I don’t know what this coming years holds and I am learning to get comfortable with that.
I don’t know if I will drink alcohol or not. I don’t know if I will make peace with drinking or not drinking or not.
I don’t know if I will finally say “Fuck it” to all the diets and food rules and truly mean it or if I will still be stuck on this crazy rollercoaster of restricting and judging and trying to find peace instead of actually finding it.
I don’t know if I will find an agent or be published or land that writing residency.
What I do know is that I will keep showing up to all of those areas and all the nooks and crannies of my life.
I do know that I will let myself down, feel ashamed and guilty when I do and then I will find the compassion to pick myself back up and continue onward.
I do know that writing every day has become so intricately woven into who I am that I will continue to write under all circumstances—a lesson from Natalie Goldberg that I have finally absorbed deep into my bones.
I do know that showing up is non-negotiable.
Showing up to my relationships.
Showing up to my writing.
Showing up to my creativity.
Showing up to my body.
Showing up to my yoga practice, and teaching practice and students.
Showing up up my meditation practice.
Showing up to my Self.
I do know that not knowing and continuing on is part of this human experience.
So, I may not know what this 55th cycle around the sun has in store but I do know that I plan to dive deep into the juicy, messy, perfectly imperfect, beautifully rich and complicated heart of this life I am so grateful to be living.