My jaw has been clenched a lot lately.
Usually I write it off as stress. But in my Poses, Pens + Inner Peace class last night, I wrote this:
I wonder what I’m trying to hold back by clamping my mouth shut.
Wow! Such a tiny yet huge shift in perspective. So, today in my Morning Pages I explored that question. I was stunned by what I discovered:
What else? I don’t say how badly I want to be published. I focus on how much I love the process and even if I never published another word I would still write. And that is true. But this is also true:
I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT TO HAVE MY BOOKS PUBLISHED.
There I said it. I declared it. I owned it. It’s scary because now I can fail by not getting published. It was safer the other way, just dipping my toe into publishing here and there but focusing more on the process. I could hang out in that limbo forever.
But that is not what I want.
And I am uncomfortable with wants. I’ve usually focused more on needs. Wants felt self-indulgent. Frivolous. Dangerous. Because then not getting what I want feels like a failure. Feels like I am a failure.
No wonder I’ve stayed away from wanting this, from declaring I want this.
But no longer. I want this and I am willing to work my ass off to make it happen.
What dream have you been afraid to own? What goal have you kept your enthusiasm tepid about in case it revealed how badly you truly want it to happen? Share it in the comments.
Want it badly enough to declare it to the Universe.