The Practice of Curiosity.

stay curious

Image found via Pinterest.

I wonder…

Those two small yet powerful words help me to break through creative blocks, fear and stagnation.

I often forget them when I am in the midst any of those those three things or some combination of them.

But when I remember, they are the key that sets me free.

When faced with an impending empty nest I found myself thinking, ” I wonder if I should take Yoga Teacher Training.”

My class, “Poses, Pens + Inner Peace” came into being when I wondered how writing and yoga intersected and wondered how they could nourish each other.

When I hit a block in my work-in-progress, any “I wonder’ will get the pen moving. What is written may not stay in but that is not the point of curiosity. The point is to generate some movement.

Fear equals stagnation.

Stagnation begets stagnation.

Curiosity is light. It doesn’t come in hot demanding that I change and DO something, fix it, fix everything now.

No, curiosity invites me to sit down and play.

No pressure to fix something.

No pressure to fix everything with my next action.

It just asks me to wonder.

To ask what if.

And that gentle invitation is all I need to step out of fear, out of stagnation and back into the cycle of creative energy.

Curiosity only does one thing

Image found via Pinterest.

Advertisements

The Artist’s Way ~ Week 12

Week 12 ~ Recovering a Sense of Faith

thumbnail

As we come to the end of this 12-week journey, it feels like just the beginning. While I have dipped in an out of this process many times over the years, this is the first time I feel like I fully committed to it and fully reaped the benefits.

Just a few of the changes I’ve noticed:

~ I am more compassionate with myself. Expecting less perfection and more just showing up in whatever way I am able at the moment.

~ I am having more fun. Laughing more, playing instead of producing.

~ I am taking more risks. Sending our stories that feel dangerous to me, diving into the darkness on the page, sitting there instead of running away from what I find.

~ I feel more in flow with life. Even when I feel off or stuck, I am confident it is just part of the process and don’t immediately jump to the conclusion that I need to force myself to do something rather than just be or that I am lazy.

~ I am more aware of the synchronicity in my life, all the ways, big and small, that the Universe supports me.

~ I feel like I am living my life like an Artist’s Date rather than just relegating it to one hour a week. Bringing more fun, spontaneity, beauty and play into my life.

~ I am able to ask for help.

~ I feel lighter.

~ I feel more vibrant.

~ I feel more connected.

So, yes, this 12 weeks is over but this whole process of living my life from a place of faith is just beginning. I commit to continuing to do Morning Pages because they connect me to myself and what I want, need, think on any given day, at any given moment. They clear my mind and my energy.

51AJ9P5RXWL

I commit to continuing the Artist’s Dates. I recently bought this book described as “the merit badge handbook for every grown-up girl who’s said, “I wish I could…” Jam-packed with practical advice, here is step-by-step instruction and kick-in-the-pants encouragement for achieving 60 exciting badge activities.”

I commit to staying active within the Facebook group I created that supported us through this journey.

I commit to revisit and complete the tasks I avoided or didn’t take/make time to do.

I commit to continue living a creative life and shining my light out into the world.

 

The Artist’s Way ~ Week 10

thumbnail

Week10 ~ Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection

  1. I did my Morning Pages daily. Still have not taken the time to read (decipher) them. Resistance? Probably. I’m surprised at how much I still resist the process of writing them. Doubts and boredom and irritation crop up regularly and I have been writing them on and off for over 20 years. So the lesson? Show up anyway. Show up to the doubt. Show up to the boredom. Show up to the irritation. The energy almost always shifts after the mere act of writing them.616p9BDEPbL._SX258_BO1,204,203,200_
  2. My Artist’s Date was going to be painting. I found this book hidden under my bed,”Life, Paint and Passion- Reclaiming the Magic of Spontaneous Expression” by Michelle Cassou and Stewart Cubley. I’ve had it for years but never actually painted as part of my exploring and reading of it. So, this week I went to the store and stocked up on supplies; paints, brushes, paper, tape. I covered a door in our basement, taped up a piece of vellum and there it hung, all week, still white and pristine. Instead, I ended up getting a massage for my Artist’s Date. Not as creative as I wanted to be, but thoroughly nourishing since I hadn’t had one since before the holidays.
  3. Synchronicity: I found a podcast on my phone that had an interview with the writer of the book I chose for the Book Club I facilitate at the yoga studio where I teach. And it turns out, he is from our area, which I had no idea when I chose the book, “Big Love” by Scott Stabile.
  4. This week pretty much slipped past me. I didn’t even finish reading the entire chapter. I did some of the tasks. But my efforts all felt very half-hearted. I was so tired and then it was pointed out to me that we all have cycles of energy and that I was subbing a lot of classes which I honestly hadn’t even considered. I put a lot of myself into teaching yoga and one thing I have uncovered through this process is that I want to put just as much energy into my writing. Right now, it feels about 80/20. It needs to be at least 50/50.

The Artist’s Way ~ Week 7

Week 7 ~ Recovering a Sense of Connection

thumbnail

  1. I did my Morning Pages every day this week. Some days felt like trying to get water from a stone, other times, the words just gushed onto the page resembling the draft of an essay or poem. What I’m trying to two with these pages is immerse myself in the process of them rather than the product and hopefully that ripples out to the rest of my life and creative pursuits.
  2. My Artist’s Date was going to see “Blank Panther.” I’ve been a fan of going to the movies alone for a long time. When my daughters were little, that was my mommy time-out. My husband would come home, take one look at me and gently suggest that I get dressed and go see a movie. It always worked. I’d come back refreshed. This movie not only left me refreshed but incredibly inspired and I will definitely be seeing it again. It was a visual feast and the story was profoundly moving.
  3. I am not usually aware of synchronicity but the more I notice them as I work through this process, the more they appear. Three things happened this week. First, I woke up one morning after a poor night’s sleep and my mind was immediately on and racing. I lay there, trying to just observe it and be amused other than frustrated. When  I open the book I am working with, “108 Days of Transformation,” the theme for that day was watching the mind. Second, I posted a photo of a book I was reading, “Buets” by Maggie Nelson and there was a particular student I wanted to make sure I recommended it to. When  I went back to tag her, I saw that she had already commented that she loved the book! Third, I became obsessed with a quote I saw online and was using it as a theme in my yoga classes. I was trying to find the source of the quote by Mary Oliver. I thought it was from her book “Devotions” (it wasn’t) and was browsing the shelf for it. No luck. There was a tiny volume tucked away and I almost didn’t crouch down to check it out but then I did. It wasn’t the book I was looking for but it was the book the Universe wanted me to have. It was called “Devotions” but by Patti Smith, not Mary Oliver. I gasped when i saw the title. Then I opened the first page and knew I had to buy it. It felt like the Universe had dropped a trail of breadcrumbs for me to follow to find that book.
  4. I completed some of the tasks. The one I enjoyed the most was the collage. I even inspired me to use the scraps to create a page in my art journal that I haven’t picked up in over a year. The women in my group posted their collages and it was a beautiful explosion of images revealing their hearts and souls. I swear that I would’ve been able to tell who created which collage because each seemed to beautifully reflect its creator.
IMG_5417

Collage task sitting in the alter in my yoga room.

IMG_5427

Page from my art journal.

The Artist’s Way • Week 5

thumbnail

Check-in

  1. I did my Morning Pages every day, not always in the morning but every day. Often I’d hit this wall of “what is the point of this?” It feels like a waste of time, a waste of paper, a waste of trees as I struggled to fill three pages. Today, as I was whining about that very thing again, it hit me that this is a process not a product. It matters less what I write but that I write. That I show up. That I honor the commitment I’ve made to myself, that I just fill the pages without expectations of having a breakthrough or insight or even as Julia Cameron calls it a “truth point.”
  2. Even though I took my BFF as my date I’m going to go ahead and count this as my Artist’ s Date and here’s why. I was tempted to turn down this Artist’s Date that was literally gifted to me for free. A student had tickets to Yamato-The Drummers of Japan and offered them to me when she was too sick to use them. My initial response was no. No, I don’t even know who they are. No, I don’t want to go out after having to teach two classes early in the morning. No, I don’t want to drive up there and back late at night. Then I remembered this process of honoring my artist, of playing, of saying yes whenever possible. So, I googled who they were and they looked amazing and I said yes. And it was amazing. The show was engaging on so many levels: visually stunning, I not only heard the music but literally felt it thrumming through my body. It’s made me wonder why my initial reaction to something new is usually no. I am trying to catch myself and saying yes more and more.
  3. Synchronicity: Looking back the one thing I noticed is how I got the tickets. When she realized she couldn’t use them the went on Facebook to find somebody to give them to and I was the first person she saw. I haven’t actually been keeping an eye out for synchronicity so that is something I need to start consciously holding as an intention.
  4. Other issues: This week it felt like I kept this whole process on the back burner. Even though I did my Morning Pages daily, and went on my AD, I feel like I dropped the thread of the theme, of the process this week. I did a couple of the in-chapter exercises early in the week then nothing. Today I did all of the tasks. So it felt like I bookended my week with this work rather than letting it flow through me and around me throughout the week. The good news is I don’t feel bad about it or about me. It’s just something I noticed and thought, “Huh, this isn’t working for me. Let’s change it.”

Another Circle Around TAW.

thumbnail

I am doing “The Artist’s Way.” Again.

Probably my third or fourth time over the years. But this time it feels different.

Usually I turn to it when I am feeling stuck or exasperated with my lack of creative progress. But that is not the case at all this time around. I have written something everything single day since January 1, 2016. I wrote over eighty thousand words on my novel last year. I have about sixty thousand on a YA fantasy I have been revisiting this year. I am teaching eight yoga classes a week, feeling connected to my own practice as well to my students. I’ve been vegan since July of 2017 and I’ve lost about thirty pounds.

So, I am not stuck.

So why the lure of TAW now?

I think I want the playfulness of it. The nurturing aspect of the whole process. And that is even more available now that I am doing it with a group. I posted to my FaceBook page that I was going to do TAW in the new year to see if anyone was interested in doing it with me. Many people were. We now have a group of about 20 phenomenal woman from across the state and country moving through the tasks, Morning Pages and Artist’s Dates together. It’s a beautiful thing to witness and be part of.

Unfortunately, the week we started it I got the flu. 102.8 fever and just felt miserable. My husband had just left to go out of town so I was alone. I was just barely feeling human when I had to have my wisdom teeth out due to a cracked tooth. Then on the heels of that I was dealing with fluid in my inner ears which was making me dizzy and nauseous. Not an auspicious start to the process. But instead of throwing in the towel or berating myself, I did what I could. Some days my morning pages were only one page. My Artist’s Date that week consisted of binge-watching “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.”

For once I was completely compassionate with myself.

Maybe it’s the fact that I am 52 instead of 22 and have learned how to be gentle with myself. Maybe it’s the yoga foundation I now stand on that permeates every aspect of my life and is allowing me to approach the TAW with compassion and curiosity rather than another way to bludgeon myself for not living up to my own impossible standards. Because my standards are no longer impossible.

All I know is that this time feels different.

I feel different.

I am different.

I am exploring the process of TAW with curiosity rather than as a way to whip myself into shape or to fix what I believe to be broken.

That’s the difference, right there. I no longer think of myself as broken.

And that difference has changed who I am.