Things are going good right now. Great even.
My almost 30-year marriage is strong.
Our daughters will both be done with college by this time next year and are making their way out into the world.
I love creating and holding space for my yoga students.
I am connected to my writing on a daily basis.
I’ve lost over 30 pounds and feel amazing and strong and my back keeps getting stronger every single day.
My best friend of over 30 years moved less than a half an hour away so we get to play whenever we want.
I have a beautiful community of women to lift me up toward my best self.
I love our home.
So, it’s all good.
So, why is this there this sense of unease lurking at the corners of my life? This sense of don’t get too happy, too content because that’s when the rug will get pulled out from under you.
It happens. I know it happens. Loved ones die, marriages end, diagnoses are made.
It happens all the time so it’s only matter of time before it happens to me, so I better be prepared. Better be vigilant and not get too complacent or too smug in my life, in my joy.
The first time I heard Brené brown describe “foreboding joy” I felt chills. That’s me. I do that. all the time. Of course, I never connected it to vulnerability. I didn’t know that the antidote to it is gratitude.
Now, when I feel the shadow of foreboding joy hovering over me, I take a breath and practice gratitude.
I lean into the joy.
I make a conscious decision to choose joy in that moment.