Immersed on a New Path

So….. it’s been a while. Usually when there is this much silence on my blog, I am in a darkish place. Disconnected. Discontent. Discouraged. Happily, I can report that it’s not the case at all this time. I am connected, content and encouraged. The silence has been a retreat of sorts as I journey down this new path, Teacher Training for Yoga. It kind of took me by surprise. I’ve been dipping my toe into a yoga practice for many years now. I started off using DVD’s at home. A couple of years ago I took a few classes at a local studio, took a long break then bought a Groupon for classes at another local studio. Loved it but still didn’t commit to a regular practice. Another year passed and I received an email for a free yoga class for my birthday. This was in July. I went. Loved it. The studio moved to a larger space and as part of the Grand Opening, they offered a week’s worth of free unlimited classes. I took advantage of that and tried different styles, different teachers and bought a package of classes. Used them. Bought another package and began to feel I was being stingy with my classes, not wanting to use them up too fast. So, I decided that on January 1, I would commit to a three-month unlimited package to really immerse myself, see if I could commit to a regular practice, see if I got my money’s worth. Boy, did I. The middle of a dreary, midwest winter was the perfect time to try this. It got me out of the house, out of my head, into my body and into a supportive, nurturing community.

Then I read about a Yoga Immersion program as part of the Teacher Training. You didn’t have to want to be a teacher to take it. It was being offered to anyone who wanted to deepen their practice. That really called to me, but the cost gave me pause. We have one daughter in college and another on her way in a couple of years. Could or should we spend that kind of money on me? I continued taking six to eight classes a week and kept being drawn back to the description on yoga immersion. I’d read about it on my computer, a little wistful but always managed to talk myself out of it, telling myself that some day I’d do it, but not now. Then on my way home from class one day it struck me that it wasn’t that we couldn’t afford it. I was choosing not to spend money on it. On me. I figured out a payment plan, ran it by my always incredibly supportive husband and  committed to it.

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It’s not an exaggeration to say it has been life-changing. Learning and doing the poses is the least important part of the practice. I began this thinking that I’d finally get into a real meditation practice, gain some strength and flexibility and maybe get a yoga butt if I was lucky. What I am learning is that, as Joel Kramer writes, “At its core, yoga is a process that involves confronting your limits and transcending them.” The first night we met as a class, I think I looked a little shell-shocked by the end at all the information thrown at us and once I realized all that would be required of us. This was about way more than getting a yoga butt. I got a little shook up, a little scared. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Maybe this wasn’t the right time. But as I read the material I shook my head at myself. Are you kidding? This is exactly what you’ve been looking for. A way to be healthy and whole; to let go of the past, of bad habits, or mental, emotional and spiritual baggage that’s been weighing me down. A way to get unstuck. I can’t tell you how many books I have with the words “stuck” or unstuck” in them. I can’t imagine how many times that word appears on my blog or in my journals. Way too many.

So, I took a deep breath, trusted my instincts and dove in. Fears of my life being capsized still haunt me but I have to have faith. Kramer touches on this fear perfectly when he writes, “You might think that changing deeply could make you so different that you’d lose touch with those you love and even yourself. Actually, the transformation that yoga brings makes you more yourself, and opens you up to loving with greater depth.” Most of the changes have been coming from the inside, where all authenticity is born. Sure, I’ve toned up, gotten stronger, more flexible. I sleep better without needing to take anything. No allergies this spring. Aches that have hounded me are disappearing or at least easing. But it’s been more than that. For the first time, I am feeling at home in my own skin. I no longer feel I am at the mercy of my mind, of my emotions. I feel lighter, energized. Lit up. Instead of yoga being a tidal wave that ripped me out of life, it has slowly been seeping into all the nooks and crannies of my life, lifting me up to meet the life I am meant to be living, to be the person I am meant to be.

Quotable Tuesday

“I become the characters I write about. When I write about a thief, I become one… I become the characters I write about and I bless the Latin poet Terence who said, ‘Nothing human is alien to me.’”
- Carson McCullers

Books Read in February & March

Not a ton of reading going on lately. I’m still in the middle of a couple of books and I’ve embarked on an exciting new journey which I will post about soon. Meanwhile, here are the two f books I’ve managed to finish in the last couple of months.

 

“Exactly Where They’d Fall” a novel by Laura Rae Amos

Jodie hated adorable things: happy couples, children, puppies, hugs.

Being able to read and reflect on this book is a special treat since it is by a friend of mine. We used to be in a fantastic writing group that fell part after most of the members, one by one moved out of state. Sad for me, great moves for them. Laura continued her writing, found a new group and worked her butt off and finally self-published this novel. Big congrats!

There’s a love triangle, but not your typical one. Jodie and Amelia were close, almost like sisters since Amelia was dating Jodie’s brother. After he breaks up with her and real life intrudes with all of its demands, the women are stuck together in the same circle of friends. Amelia, wary of love, finally decides to open her heart to Drew, part of their close knit group. As they plunge headlong into a future together, Jodie is left on the sidelines, remembering one night long ago with Drew and feelings she is not sure what to do with. Should she ignore them or say something risking her relationships with everyone? This story spans about seven months in the lives of a group of friends as the precarious balance of trust and friendship and love is tested.

What I learned: I love how this novel is structured. That is something I often struggle with . Once the structure is nailed down it becomes a container for the story. Besides dividing the story into months, each chapter has its own decimal and unique title.

“The Perks of Being a Wallflower” a YA novel by Stephen Chbosky

Dear friend,

I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn’t try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have.

I admit it. I saw the movie before I read the book. I always try to do it the other way around but that’s just how it worked out this time. Both ended up being fabulous, which is rarely the case. Who can’t love Charlie? His story just sucked me back into those intense high school days. The characters are so rich and textured. The story begs you to turn the page. Sure, Charlie has been compared to Holden Caulfield and I can see that but he is so much more, I think. Charlie has the angst but he also has this purity of hope that I don’t remember from “Catcher in the rye.” Maybe it’s been too long since I’ve read it.

What I learned: How much I love a simple, honest voice telling the story.

Quotable Tuesday

“The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”

- Sylvia Plath

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Five on Friday

1. I am in love with this jewelry. So fun and whimsical.

2. Elizabeth Gilbert picks a bone with Phillip Roth here.

3. Sometimes you just need a pep talk.

4. An interview with Karen E. Bender. Thank you to Dylan Landis for sharing.

5. Steve Almond interviews Chris Castellani.

Books Read in January

“How To Be a Woman” by Caitlin Moran

So, I had assumed it was optional.

The first funny thing about this book is that my husband bought it for me for my birthday in July. Nobody ever buys me an actual book. Gift cards to a bookstore, yes, but a book? Not so much. Chances are I really own or have already read it. But he’d heard her on NPR , and was pretty sure I hadn’t read it. He was right. The second funny thing about this book is it is so damn funny. Laugh out loud funny. Laugh at the absurdity of life funny. Laugh so you don’t cry at the state of our world funny. Do you know Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess? Well, if you don’t then go here right now and go pick up her book. If you do, then Moran is the British Bloggess.  Dark, funny, sarcastic and brilliant.

Here. Read this:

Because we need to reclaim the word “feminism.” We need the word “feminism” back real bad. When statistics come in saying that only 29 percent of American women would describe themselves as feminist—and only 42 percent of British women—I  used to think, What do you think feminism IS, ladies? What part of “liberation for women” is not for you? Is it freedom to vote? The right not to be owned by the man you marry? The campaign for equal pay? “Vogue” by Madonna? Jeans? Did all that good shit GET ON YOUR NERVES? Or were you just DRUNK AT THE TIME OF SURVEY?

See? Funny? Smart? Passionate? What’s not to like?

What I learned: To not let misogynists like Rush Limbaugh, who calls feminists “femi-Nazis” because he is oh-so-clever, take away our power.

 “Adaptation” a YA novel by Malinda Lo

The birds plummeted to the tarmac, wings loose and limp.

Yes, yet another dystopian future kind of novel. What can I say? They fascinate me. This time the triggering event is the mass crashes of planes around the world caused by flocks of birds flying into them. Reese is at the airport, trying to get home from a debate competition with her partner and their coach when all panes are grounded. They rent a car and start the long drive through the desert back to San Francisco. When a bird flies straight at the car on a lonely stretch of desert highway, Reese flips the car. She wakes up in a hospital where everyone is very secretive about where they are and exactly what happened to them. So secretive, that they are forced to sign a non-disclosure agreement before being released. After she and David get home, they notice strange things around and within them. As they search for the truth they come across what could a vast global government conspiracy. This one sure keeps you turning the pages.

What I learned: She balanced an intricate idea-driven plot line with a more character-driven sub-plot.

“The Dog Stars” a novel by Peter Heller

I keep the Beast running, I keep the 100 low lead on tap, I foresee attacks.

Hig has survived the flu pandemic and the blood disease that followed. Society has broken down. His wife is dead as are his friends. He lives in the hangar at a small airport in Colorado with his dog Jasper and a gun-loving neighbor for company. He flies his 1956 Cessna for pleasure and to help a nearby village of Mennonites afflicted with the Blood disease stay alive. One day he hears a transmission on his radio and that brief contact haunts him for years until he is finally compelled to go beyond his flying boundaries and see if he can make contact with the voice. Hig’s own voice tells his story with the heart of warrior, survivor and poet. It reminded me of “The Road” with more heart and beauty.

What I learned: That I aspire to write a sentence as beautiful as this some day: How we gentle our losses into paler ghosts. 

Five on Friday

1. This is a great idea! I’ve had a similar idea for years that I called it my Self-guided MFA. But she takes it to a whole new incredible level that reaches so many people.

2. Such a great interview with Cheryl Strayed. Here’s just one of many lines I loved: “(email…)  is a real problem for me, a huge distraction not only from my writing, but from everything else I love to do, too. When it comes to getting to work, my trick is to conjure my inner-nun-with-a-ruler-in-hand and simply force myself to begin. Beginning is about three-quarters of the battle for me.”

3. Max Sebald’s Writing Tips. Such good advice like “Read books that have nothing to do with literature.”

4. Dani Shapiro on taking risks.

5. Free yoga video for writers.

Looking Back, Looking Ahead

I didn’t exactly jump on the Resolution Bandwagon this year. I dipped my toe in but that’s about it. Now it’s the last day of January and I can’t let the next eleven months slip away without a vision or a plan. But before I can look ahead, I need to briefly look back and acknowledge what I accomplished in 2012:

1. By far, my biggest accomplishment was finishing and submitting my novel. Regardless of the outcome I can now say “I’ve written a novel.” That is huge.

2. I started rewriting my second novel.

3. Started writing an online Book Club column on a local community news website.

4. Read 52 books.

5. Posted book reflections on all 52 books read in 2012.

6. Expanded my platform to include Twitter. (@KimHaasWrites)

7. Filled numerous notebooks with morning pages and writing practice.

8. Set up a submission tracker spreadsheet.

9. Revised several short stories.

10. Made new connections via blogs.

11. Incorporated more photos into my blog posts.

12. Tried to honor the ebb and flow of my creative process. 

So, not a bad year. Now, what do I want in 2013?

1. Publish my novel-in-stories which means find an agent or self-publish.

2. Finish rewrite of new novel.

3. Polish and submit short stories.

4. Blog more consistently.

5. Create/share/sell more art & collage.

6. Attend a writer’s conference or retreat.

7. Work through Priscilla Long’s book, “The Writer’s Portable Mentor.”

8. Create and follow DIY MFA program. 

9. Finish flash fiction collection, “Ripe.”

As I look at my list I see some problems with vagueness. What does “more” mean? For my blog it means add one craft or process post a week in addition to Quotable Tuesday and Five on Friday. It means to post every other Wednesday for my book club column. I need to create a timeline (self-imposed deadlines) for submissions, agent queries and my rewrite. I saw an old list that had me finishing the rewrite this past October and a revision by today. Always looking for that balance between stretching but doable and completely unrealistic.

So, that’s my look back and look ahead. How about you? What did you accomplish in 2012 and what are your aspirations for 2013? is there a way we can support and encourage each other? I’d love to start a submission challenge group. Anybody interested? Let me know in the comments.

 

 

 

Five on Friday

1. I love how Tayari Jones treats her writing self with such kindness and compassion. And I appreciate how generous she always is in sharing the ups and downs of the creative process.

2. A beautiful description of the morning writing process by Roxana Robinson.

3. A wise and thoughtful interview with the wise and thoughtful David Edenbach. His latest collection will definitely make my reading list this year.

4. 36 ideas for boosting creativity.

5. The lives they lived.

Books Read in December

“The Newlyweds”  a novel by Nell Freudenberger

She hadn’t heard the mailman, but Amina decided to go out and check.

Amina and George meet on-line. She lives in Bangledesh while he lives in Rochester, New York. Amina moves to the states to marry George but also to provide a better life for her and, hopefully, her parents. Not only does Amina need to adjust to a whole new culture but she and George are both learning to navigate the often bewildering geography of marriage. They both have secrets and only when they are separated by an entire ocean again are they able to discover if they can actually build a life together or not.

What I learned: To always respond to people and situations that resonate with you in real life. Freudenberger met a woman on a plane who became the catalyst for this beautiful novel.

“The Opposite of Hallelujah” a YA novel by Anna Jarzab

When I was twelve, I started telling people at school that my older sister, Hannah, was dead.

I love a strong first sentence that just pulls you in immediately to a plot and voice. This does both for me.  Caro feels like an only child. Her older sister, Hannah, left home years ago and has had very little contact with them since. So when Hannah is suddenly coming home, Caro is confused, angry and unwilling to cut her sister the amount of incredible slack that her parents are willing to do.  This is a story of  the complicated ties that bind family, the complicated issues of faith and ultimately redemption.

What I learned: To nail that first sentence.

 “Revived” a YA novel by Cat Patrick

I’m flattened and thrashing on the sun-warmed track next to the football field, lying on what looks like asphalt but what I realize now that I’m down here is actually that fake spongy stuff.

What if you died when you were a little girl in a bus accident and were brought back to life? What if you then became part of covert government program designed to test the possible miracle drug, Revive? That is the story of Daisy who has died and been revived five separate times, each time causing her and her “family” to change locations and names. When she lands in a new town and school and meets Audrey and her brother, Matt, for once Daisy feels a part of something beyond the program. How far will she go to stay and try to have a normal life?

What  I learned: How fun it would be to come up with a premise like that and follow it through the lives of characters.

 “Fingerprints of You” a YA novel by Kristen-Paige Madonia

My mother got her third tattoo on my seventeenth birthday, a small navy hummingbird she had inked above her left shoulder blade, and though she said she picked it to mark my flight from childhood, it mostly had to do with her wanting to sleep with Johnny Drinko, the tattoo artist who worked in the shop outside town.

Yet another great first sentence. You get a sense of Lemon’s voice, her mother and their entire relationship in just one sentence. Lemon’s mother, Stella, has moved them often in her seventeen years, usually away from a bad situation in hopes of making a better life. When Lemon finds herself pregnant and about to follow in her mother’s footsteps, she decides it’s time to make some of her own decisions. She embarks on a road trip to San Francisco with her best friend Emmy in hopes of connecting with the father she never knew.  A road trip is the ultimate metaphor for change and this one fulfills its task as Lemon discovers more and grows in ways she never expected.

What I learned: How important it is to have your character keep bumping into people. That’s where stuff happens. So often I have them in a room alone or I am stuck in their head.

“Wife 22” a novel by Melanie Gideon

I stare into the bathroom mirror and wonder why nobody has told me my left eyelid has grown a little hood.

Alice and William have been married for almost twenty years. Things are…fine. A little distant, maybe disconnected but that’s to be expected, right? When she is invited to participate in an online study about marriage, Alice jumps at the chance. She becomes Wife 22 and is partnered with Researcher  101. Soon she finds herself confiding in this stranger more than her own husband. That can’t be good, right? Gideon explores the energy of a marriage within the confines of our tech savvy lifestyle. One night I was telling my husband about the book and he guessed at the outcome and I said, “No, that would be cheesy.” I got home that night and read through to the end and he had called it! At first I did think it was cheesy. A little too convenient. But then the ending grew on me. I’m curious to hear what anyone else thinks.

What I learned: Unique chapter structures really intrigue me. I should try using them in my own work.

“Ask the Passengers” a YA novel by A.S. King

Every airplane, no matter how far it is up there, I send love to it.

Sending love to airplanes, to the passengers in those airplanes is Astrid’s hobby. It’s a way of controlling what is uncontrollable in her life. It steadies her. It connects her at a time when she is feeling very disconnected from herself, her family, her friends and community. Interspersed between chapters revealing Astrid’s life are glimpses into the lives of the passengers who happen to be on the receiving end of her messages of love. It’s a novel about identity. Labels, love, prejudice over who we choose to love.

What I learned: That it’s okay to weave in bits of magical realism into a realistic story.

“Thrive- Finding Happiness the Blue Zones Way” by Dan Buettner

It’s ten o’clock on a Sunday morning in Hojancha, a small town in rural Costa Rica, and I’m on a mission.

Buettner’s mission is to discover why certain pockets of our worldwide population are so much happier than others.  He visits Denmark, Singapore, northeastern Mexico and San Luis Obispo, California. Along the way he meets with residents of these place along with politicians, sociologists, economists, psychologists and other experts trying to discern what is at work that makes these people so much happier than the average person. The research is fascinating and rarely what you might guess.

What I learned: A strong social network and feeling safe are two of the biggest contributors to happiness.